Begin Again

Saturday, August 5, 2017

(Image source: Tumblr)

Hello, everyone!

It's been 2 months since I wrote in here. There's so much that I want to tell, but probably can't put it into the right words because I have been feeling like I wasn't me.. or maybe, just maybe, it all happens too fast that I barely even feel like myself.

First of all, I can't believe that this summer quarter marks exactly one year of my presence here in the United States! I mean, was it even that fast? I was only a high schooler before I came here, I couldn't cook by myself, I am not used to do my own laundry, and I almost never clean my own room (what an irony). But, when I look at myself right now, and then I looked back at myself one year ago.. I. am. literally. shook. I can't even believe how much things have changed since then. Probably, I would say that I am proud of myself for surviving one year of being here, so that I know I would do better the following year. And even though now we are in the middle of 2017, I just realized that 2016 was one hell of a year for me!

I am also proudly say that I am going to become a sophomore starting this fall! I am excited yet a little bit anxious because of the upcoming adventure that awaits to be encountered! After changing my major in the beginning of this year, which of course involved many considerations, I am happy to say that I am majoring in Biology and hoping to concentrate on the branch of neuroscience. Before, I was majoring in Bioengineering, which wasn't so much of a different with my current major, however, I really can't take physics (oh, sorry not sorry). And rather than spending four years of college with the things I know I don't love, I know I should make the right decision. Now I am here, preparing to transfer to a university next year as a pre-medical student to pursue my bachelor degree.

You see -- things aren't always work like you want it to be, and it can't be forced. Eventually, it will come back to how it supposed to be. Life's an enigma. You always have to make a decision, you always have to choose. Sometimes you think you chose the right decision, but sometimes you don't. The thing is, life will always take you somewhere. Somewhere you belong.. depends on you. And you are clearly responsible for your life and the choices that you make because life will only take you to the place based on your decision.

Moving on, I said that I have been feeling like I wasn't myself lately, and to be honest, it's been one year. Yes, you read that right. It's not that I feel like I can't adapt to this new environment, but I just think that I have been too busy on thinking how to overcome this new environment and lifestyle, when in fact I truly didn't do anything about it. You get me? And I've been too busy thinking about life, thinking about all the things happened too fast, but then I realized that I am drowning in my own thoughts. I know it's a little bit complicated to understand, in fact, it's way more complicated to put this into words. I have been neglecting myself, and I am way too focused on something that I shouldn't. But, why did I end up  like this? Maybe it's because I chose the wrong decision.. or maybe it's just life taking me to the place where I will learn to know myself better. Again, it all depends on our interpretations.

So, I chose to begin again. I need to take care of myself psychologically, emotionally and not to forget; physically. I need to find a new routine that really fits me. And you know, there will always be a time for a change -- and that's completely fine. In this case, I need to find myself a new routine. I need to focus not only for the things around me. I need to focus on myself, and on something bigger. And most importantly, it's always a good remainder to not forget to enjoy wherever life's taking you. There will always be a new lesson, a new experience, a new thing. We might interpret things differently, but remember, life has many sides. It will take you to all of its sides, until you realize where you earnestly belong. Then, maybe you'll find the meaning of, or maybe I should say the art of,  begin again.


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